Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sucker Punched

You know a movie is in trouble when a trip to the theater restroom is more interesting than the actual show on the screen....

Sucker Punch...should have been a no brainer. Get five atteactive young women, dress in scantily clad pseudo-warrior/sailor girl outfits. Given big gins and bigger swords and plenty of beasts and baddies to shoot and slash. throw in a gothy soundtrack over the carnage. shake, stir, watch the fanboys trundle in with dollars in hand.

It's a winning formula...which completely failed in this case. Wiser heads than mine will be able to dissect this stillborn embarrassment far better than I can. But three thoughts come to mind:

1: The girl playing the lead (Emily Browning) deserves an Oscar for her portrayal as a blank, personality-less android in a faux Japanese school girl outfit, which as a side note should induce large amounts of shame in any male over the age of thirty watching it. Really nailed that role, kid.

2: I've been through Brattleboro, Vermont. It's nowhere near that depressing, though boring and overrun by aging hippies, like most of Vermont these days....(honestly, if they did end up seceding from the Union, would anyone really notice?)

3: Blood and guts, gratuitous T&A, and eye-popping special effects are no substitute for things like plot, character development, or a coherent story.

Here's a post from Annalee Newitz on io9 that pretty much says it all....

Friday, March 25, 2011


140,000 words...and no end in sight....

Shows what happen when you turn to the Baroque Cycle for inspiration...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Solitude as salvation

A few days ago, I spent a good ten minutes tallying up the pros and cons of being on a relationship...


Your time ceases to be your own.
You can no longer live only for yourself
You can no longer pursue your interests, artistic or otherwise, whenever you want, however you want.
Relationships inevitably fail, leading to dissatisfaction, which leads to breakups, divorce and everything that goes with it.
Children are stressful, expensive, and invariably disappoint.
Sex is problematic for those of even moderate religious convictions, particularly the bits about having outside the bonds of matrimony.

At this point I gave up and got royally drunk. Upon sobering up the next morning, and suffering through a wine-induced hangover, I came to the realization that the great philosopher and observer of the human condition, Lilly Von Shtupp was correct: "Everything below ze vaist is kaput!"

Friday, March 18, 2011

The story of your life...

Honestly, this song could serve as the soundtrack for every Gen X'er who ever lived...we may not be the Greatest Generation, but we are the most self-aware...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Red, coming up short with a suitable quip

So, I had a choice. Battle LA, or Red Riding Hood. Should have been an easy choice for any geek...but one you've seen the White House being blown up in Independence Day, the alien invasion genre loses it's allure...

First impression; being one of only three single guys in the theater over the age of 25. I'm fairly sure one of the others was an old fellow in a trench coat. Awkward....

Second impression: Amanda Seyfried is not born of a human woman. Instead scientists assembled her in a secret waif factory deep under the Antarctic ice, following a template designed to trigger the male protective instinct in overdrive. Although the lady accountant at my place of employment thinks she looks like a fish. Go figure.

Third impression: Catherine Hardwicke is a brilliant director with a knack for connecting with the hopes and fears of American youth...who will spend the rest of her life trying to match the success of Twilight...and failing. Which just goes to show that a true masterpiece is something every artist should fear.

That's about it. What, you were expecting a bloody review?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Could be art...

? Part the end

There is a pain in the liver as I write this...

? Part 3

The link between art and the opportunity for men to stare at naked women under the pretense of fostering the creative process is an underexplored subject of inquiry...

But...if they can get away with it, more power to them...


So very sleepy...

? Part 2

Looks like my aunts bed cover...

Wisdom of Warhol

"Art is whatever you can get away with." -Andy Warhol

God bless you Andy, you prophetic genius of neo-insert-ism-here!




Not sure if this is an allegory for anorexia...but if so, it's a good one.

Moms proud

Stand tall! Be proud!

The power of cliche

One of the big weaknesses of the fantasy genre is it's fondness for cliche. Every other story, it seems features the same characters, the same stock situations. Is it any wonder then that the stories enjoying the most success these days are the one that either take the familiar tropes and subvert them...or ignore them entirely?

Still, in the end, "there is nothing new under the sun..."

Monday, March 7, 2011

You gotta feel for a man famous after his time

No one did paranoia better than Phillip K . Dick. Today he's remembered as a visionary, a prescient writer whose stories resonate with the spirit of the age. But in his own lifetime he was all but unknown, a hack who always teetered on the edge if madness (the LSD probably didn't help...) His is the fate of all those cursed to be ahead of their time...famous only after they are no longer able to appreciate it...

And yes, The Adjustment Bureau was a most excellent flick.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wisdom is the child of regret

In two weeks time I will be thirty four years old, closer to forty than I am to twenty. Youth is passing and the middle years approach.

At times like this, the mind turns to that most deadly of speculations: "if only I knew then what I know now...what could I have done differently? What have I done with my life?" If I could go back twenty years, imagine all the mistakes I would not make...

Everyone thinks this. It's a common indulgence...but supposing you could go back in time and do it over, would it really be better? Or would you be so paralyzed about messing up again that end up not doing anything?

It is the privilege of youth that one is ignorant of limitations. When you're young you do stupid things because you don't know any better. You're gonna live forever, the world is yours for the taking. Those older and wiser try to tell you otherwise, but you don't understand, such knowledge only comes from experience. To return to youthful strength with the sorrows of age is an act doomed to failure, since he has the energy of the young, but lacks the unknowing confidence that gives it purpose. Old souls in young skins, doomed to paralysis.

Regret us a necessary condition for the soul, it is the father of wisdom. We all have regrets, choices made or not made, opportunities lost. A man who gains success young looks back and wishes he'd taken a slower path, with more time to enjoy life. One who accomplishes little of merit in the eyes of others fears he has squandered his youth. But with regret comes awareness of ones limitations and strengths. The early achiever has the means to rake his life in a new direction. The slacker finds that doing little with his life offers much time for self-reflection.

I will miss my youth when it is gone. But I will not waste my days trying to bring it back. Youth is precious, but moreso is the wisdom that marks it's ultimate end.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Camelot Sneak Peak

This year looks to be a good one so far as fantasy is concerned. Two new series coming to premium cable. Over the weekend, Starz previewed Camelot, showing the first episode. I sit down with full wine glass in hand waiting to enjoy. When it's over, my reaction is best summed as "what the heck was that?"

Production values..low. Conspicuous overacting...check. Miscast lead as Arthur...unfortunately yes. Inappropriate dialogue out of place in the setting...yup. Eva Green vamping her part to the point where it stops being betcha!

Basically it's legend of the seeker...with female nudity. And it takes itself waaaaaaay to seriously for something so campy, unlike Spartacus: Blood and Sand, which never pretended to be anything other than a glorified grindhouse flick spread out across twelve episodes...

How long until Game of Thrones?